When I became an Assistant Principal at 29, I felt a massive pressure to have all the answers.
I was leading teachers who had been in the classroom longer than I had been alive. I thought that to earn their respect, I needed to be the expert in everything: Curriculum, Special Education law, discipline, scheduling.
But I quickly realized a truth that changed my leadership style: Trying to fake expertise is the fastest way to lose credibility.
If you pretend to know something you don’t, veteran teachers will smell it instantly. They will see right through the facade.
Instead of posturing, I leaned into a different strategy: Radical Humility.
Here is how admitting “I don’t know” actually became my biggest strength as a young administrator.
The Fear of Weakness
We are often taught that leadership means certainty. We think that if we admit ignorance, we are admitting incompetence.
- The Trap: A teacher asks a complex question about a new reading curriculum.
- The Instinct: To bluff. To give a vague answer that sounds “admin-y” but says nothing.
- The Result: The teacher leaves confused, and trust is eroded.
The Power of “I Don’t Know”
When you say, “I don’t know,” you are not ending the conversation. You are starting a partnership. But you can’t just stop there. You have to follow it up with the commitment.
The Script:
“That is a great question. Honestly, I don’t know the answer right now, but I am going to find out for you by the end of the day.”
This simple sentence does three things:
- It Builds Trust: You are honest. You aren’t afraid to be vulnerable.
- It Shows Respect: You respect their question enough to get the right answer, not just a fast answer.
- It Models Growth: You are showing your staff that you are a learner, just like you expect them to be.
Flipping the Script: “Who Does Know?”
Sometimes, the best move isn’t for me to go find the answer—it’s to connect the teacher with the resident expert.
I am not the best reading teacher in the building. I am not the best math teacher. My job isn’t to be the expert; it’s to be the connector.
When a teacher asks for help with a specific instructional strategy, I often say:
“I don’t know the best way to tackle that, but Mrs. Johnson in 4th grade is a rockstar at this. Let me cover your class for 15 minutes so you can go watch her teach.”
This empowers the veteran teachers and builds a culture of collaboration, rather than a culture of “ask the boss.”
The Takeaway
You don’t need 20 years of experience to be a great leader. You need character.
If you lead with humility, curiosity, and a willingness to learn, your age becomes irrelevant. Your staff won’t follow you because you know everything; they will follow you because they trust you to find the truth.
So next time you are stumped, take a breath, drop the ego, and say the words.
“I don’t know. Let’s figure it out together.”
